When I first heard there was going to be a Titanic II, I assumed it was a joke. But the movie is real, apparently. It even has a trailer!

Now, I was no fan of Titanic I (as my friend Jeff said at the time, “Why do I need to see it? Does the boat not sink this time?”). But I realize a lot of people were fans of Titanic I. Even those people, though, don’t have any interest in a sequel, do they? It’s not as if the first movie left a lot of unanswered questions. I wonder how long it took for their frozen dead bodies to be eaten by sharks? In heaven, does everyone get to eat in the first-class dining room?

Sadly, Titanic II seems uninterested in those pressing questions. Instead, the plot revolves around a second giant cruise liner, also christened the Titanic (because that’s totally something that would happen in real life), setting sail exactly one hundred years after the original’s ill-fated journey (ditto). And then, surprise surprise, things go amiss. Who could have seen that coming?

Obviously this movie will be terrible. It will go in the Irrelevant Sequel Canon alongside such blockbusters as Bring It On Again and American Pie Presents: Band Camp. Though, in defense of those movies, at least their characters didn’t all die at the end of the original. I wonder if this makes Titanic II the most irrelevant sequel of all time?