1992

By Josh Lefkowitz

 

That was the year
I dressed up as confident
I loved my best friend
but candy more
we rang the doorbells
of the whole subdivision
one house all dark
with a bowl out front
Help yourself said the sign
the bowl already empty
Now I’m older and
online all the time
if I like what I see or
even if I don’t
I scroll right past yeah
nothing can hurt me
not so long as I keep on
taking these pills
although we’ve decided
to lower the dose
about which I’m excited
and nervous too
Inside of me something is
growing and I fear
what’s buried down there
will send me back
to the edge of the bridge again
Scary thought
but all these years later
I follow the advice
of the empty bowl note
Help yourself
I keep a list of reasons
to stay alive
in my worn leather wallet
where the credit cards go
like how Twix just released
a dark chocolate version
and come Christmas time
I’m betting there will be
a cold winter wind but also
gingerbread flavored M&Ms
oh and you Jacqueline
there’s you


Josh Lefkowitz has had poems published in Canada, Ireland, England, and in numerous journals online and in print across the United States. He previously published a poem with Barrelhouse as part of their tribute to Prince.